Wow, truly amazing news

Jessica Rowe, the TV presenter who Channel 9 chief executive Eddie McGuire wanted to “bone”, is pregnant. Amazing! Major news! Backbone of the whole Today show!

In a new low of self-promotion by Nine, the network is promoting an “intimate conversation” between Today hosts Rowe and Karl Stefanovic about her high-profile pregnancy. The gripping interview will take place “sometime this week” and will be “all about her pregnancy”, according to a Nine spokesman. Why is this actually news? Jessica fucks … so what? She and husband Peter Overton made a baby, wow, so what? It will be either a boy or a girl, wow amazing! I ask, why is airtime wasted on shit like this?

Mind you, I’m obviously overrating the intelligence of Nine’s audience for the Today show. Since Jessica Rowe’s pregnancy was announced recently, its viewership has increased from about 220k to 270k per day. Never mind the quality or content of the program, we watch because Jessica is nice and she’s going to have a baby … amazing, and how cute!