Borat = news?

All over the news on TV today has been the visit of Borat, Sacha Baron Cohen’s fictional Kazakh journalist, to Sydney. He is here of course to launch his movie: Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.

Now while I’m off to see this movie as soon as it opens, and I think Borat is piss funny (as is Ali G), the visit of an actor to flog his movie is hardly news, is it?

Thinking on your feet

This is what I call quick thinking, and making the most of the resources available. A teenager in Darwin, pulled over for a roadside breath test by police, spotted a snake on the road. So he picked it up and pointed its head towards the police officers. The police told him to drop it, but he ran off into the bush, snake still in hand.

He failed the breath test.

If only this initiative can be channeled productively, this guy could have a big future.

Panda porn

A zoo in Chiang Mai, Thailand, is going to show its male panda some porn videos because he and his female partner don’t know how to mate. Interesting idea this, although I’m not not of the likelihood of success. The zoo’s project manager had this to say:

“We’ll play the video at the most comfortable and intimate time forhim, perhaps after dinner,” Mr Prasertsak said, hoping Chuang Chuang would then use the techniques on Lin Hui, a five-year-old female.

So, these pandas, modelling their behaviour on porn, will start out with some exaggerated tongue kissing, move onto Lin Hui giving Chuang Chuang a blowjob for a while, then switch to a bit of fucking, switching positions several times of course (do pandas do doggy, or is it panda?), each getting more gymnastic than the last, before moving onto some anal, finally pulling out for the money shot. All accompanied by bad music, of course. (And how does the mating start, does Chuang Chuang turn up at the door of their cage dressed as the pizza (bamboo?) delivery boy?)

Not sure they’re going to get baby pandas out of this.

Technorati Tags: panda, porn, zoo

Anything they can do, we can do better

The US had the Mark Foley scandal, the Republican congressman accused of making sexual advances to young men serving as congressional pages (note to US politicians, pages and interns (Monica Lewinsky) seem to be too tempting for some, maybe its safer to remove the temptation).

Now in Australia, we have trumped that. NSW Aboriginal Affairs Minister, Milton Orkopoulos, was today sacked from the ministry and from the Labor Party by Premier Morris Iemma after being charged with 30 child sex and drug offences. He allegedly used government funds to pay a teenage boy for sex.

According to a police statement tendered to the Newcastle court today, Orkopoulos met one alleged victim, then aged 15, between April and October 1997. The alleged victim, now 24, told police Orkopoulos supplied him with cannabis on two occasions before the first alleged sexual assault. When the boy was 18, Orkopoulos was paying him about $250 per week to have sex with him, according to the statement. Police allege Orkopoulos supplied the teenager with cannabis to relax him before sex, and occasionally supplied him with amphetamines. The alleged victim said he met with Orkopoulos twice a week for a period of seven or eight years.

Shock horror … the money Orkopoulos was allegedly paying to the teenager came from his electoral office’s petty cash - wonder what he was claiming on the petty cash docket?

Orkopoulos was granted bail on the conditions that he report to police three times a week, that he not leave NSW, that he not have any contact with anyone aged under 18 unless another adult is present, and that he surrender his passport.

My question to Australians, particularly NSW residents: has anyone actually heard of Milton Orkopoulos until today? I hadn’t … he obviously kept a low profile, and I bet he wishes that was still the case.

US elections - Democrats make big gains

The results in the US mid-term elections should serve to reign in some of the more extreme legislative whims of the Bush Administration, now that they have a hostile House of Representatives to deal with, the Democratic Party having captured nearly double the number of seats they needed to win off the Republicans to gain a majority in the House. Bush will now need to negotiate legislation through the Democrat controlled lower house rather than rely on his Republican cronies to push it through. What would make things really interesting is if the Democrats win the Senate contests in Montana and Virginia and so take a majority in that house of Congress as well. We could then look forward to all sorts of committees, controlled by Democrats hostile to the Bush administration, holding inquiries about all sorts of things, such as Iraq, eg to explore what is the actual strategy there, and what is the exit plan, and what are the criteria to declare “victory”. Fun and games ahead if that happens.

Among other points of interest in the election: first muslim elected to Congress, Nancy Pelosi the Democrat House Leader is going to be the Speaker of the House, the first woman to hold that office. That places her 3rd in line as President, behind Bush and Cheney … who knows, if the Democrats control both houses and conduct sufficiently aggressive inquiries, she could end up President (unlikely I know, but …).

Interesting to see what pressed the voters buttons - exit polls showed that 42 percent of voters called corruption an extremely important issue in their choices at the polls, followed by terrorism at 40 percent, the economy at 39 percent and the war in Iraq at 37 percent.

Why not run the Melbourne Cup on Saturday like most other horse races?

Another year, another Melbourne Cup. Won by Delta Blues from Pop Rock, two Japanese horses.

My thoughts on the Cup I’ve posted about before. Just another horse race to me, so therefore of no to minimal interest.

There’s been a bit of a campaign going on to have Melbourne Cup Day made a national public holiday. What a wank! Why not have the race on Saturday like most other races are, and avoid the huge waste of work time that the Tuesday is now?

PS - the pompom on the winning jockey’s helmet was a nice touch, I thought.

Religion and tolerance, take 2

Seems that the truth in this story is somewhat different than first presented. The daughter has now been charged with murdering her mother and attempting to murder her father. Seems it was a fairly standard parent/teenager disagreement … albeit one that escalated to the extreme with tragic consequences.

So what are the police trying to hide?

The inquest into Dianne Brimble’s death on a P&O cruise ship resumed today and most of the attention was on efforts by NSW and South Australia police to suppress some evidence and keep it out of the public domain. Also, one of the two detectives who first investigated her death, Senior Constable Erdinc Ozen, has also been busy trying to avoid having to appear at the coronial inquest to give evidence. He claimed a medical condition prevents him appearing, but the coroner isn’t buying this.

So, I wonder what the police are trying to hide from becoming public? Evidence of a slipshod, incompetent investigation? Or is there more to it? It has been reported that Mr Ozen had previously been employed by P&O to deter bad behaviour during a “schoolies’ cruise” in 2001. Why did he score the job of being the investigating officer? Interesting coincidence!

Great moments in Australian TV, # xxx

Axle Whitehead, the tool who for some reason whipped his tool out while presenting at the Australian Record Industry Association (ARIA) awards last weekend. It has cost him his job as presenter of Video Hits on Channel 10 (wonder how hard he was pushed before he resigned?), so it was some brain explosion. Actually I suppose it wasn’t a great TV moment as it didn’t actually make it to air, but no doubt it will prove to be the thing Axle is most remembered for in his shortlived career.

I note that his future intentions are:

“I’m now going to take a short break from television to focus on my music. Thanks, and I hope to see you all again soon.”

Can’t wait to hear what sort of shit he performs. I’ve never heard it myself but I’d expect he does something Shannon Noll-esque in its mediocrity.

Speaking of mediocrity, and the ARIA’s, I can’t say anything I heard last Sunday really grabbed my attention, not enough to drag me away from the work I was doing (had the TV on in the background).

Update (06/11/2006): I noticed this, which is much worse than seeing Axle Whitehead’s dick on TV. Anna Nicole Smith giving birth is supposedly going to be aired on American TV. Hopefully it never makes it here. What exactly is she famous for, apart from extreme skankiness?

Spreadsheets at 4 am