Whatever floats your boat

Colin Lazarus, from Melbourne, has an extremely interesting fetish.  He bought an 11 year old girl black pointy platform shoes then persuaded her to wear them so she could kick him in the genitals.  On another occasion, he asked the girl to kick him in the genitals and put her shoed foot into his mouth.  He also got her 8 year old brother to join in the kicking.  One time, he told her to stand on his neck while her brother kicked him.  He admitted to police he had a sexual fetish for shoes and people standing on him.

Judge Lance Pilgrim said it was the strangest case he had dealt with in his 49 years in court.

No shit!!!!

Hall of fame

To me the highlight of the ARIA awards on Sunday night was Nick Cave’s induction into the ARIA Hall of Fame, and his speech accepting the recognition of his works, and particularly the way he took it upon himself to induct some of his colleagues in his bands The Bad Seeds and The Birthday Party.

Especially good was his tribute to Rowland S Howard and the late, great Tracy Pew, of the Birthday Party. I’m old enough, and fortunate enough to have seen them perform, one night at the UNSW Roundhouse. Fantastic band, always just on the edge of chaos.

Here’s some Birthday Party goodness for those who aren’t familiar with them.

Tracy Pew is the bass player, the one in the cowboy hat. Most of my favourite Birthday Party songs are driven by big basslines, like this (“Junkyard”), also “King Ink” and “Dead Joe”. Nick Cave, of course, is the singer, with the big hair.

BTW, I love one of the comments on the Youtube page for this clip:

“This is one of my new favorite songs. It’s like Bjork, it doesn’t matter what you think of it, nothing sounds like it. I could not afford the amount of drugs it would take for me to write something like this..”

Yes, and I’m sure plenty of drugs did go into writing it.

Still plenty of demand for Hermione Granger nude

Clocked up 100k visitors today.

Looking through how people found me here, the more popular searches have been:

  • Hermione (Granger) nude, Harry Potter porn, Harry and Hermione nude, Hermione pussy: still plenty of interest. I’m not so sure of the chances of finding a picture of Harry and Hermione, after all Hermione and Ron were a couple not Hermione and Harry – try Hermione and Ron, or Harry and Ginny, depending on who you’re actually after
  • vagina – popular as always
  • breasts – in many variations, such as tits out, bare tits, breast sizes, f-cup, Australian cleavages, e cup breasts, and bit tits
  • the cops still haven’t caught up with the pedophiles out there – 10 year old pussy, pedo sex, 10 year old sex, all featuring again. Child models may also be within the sphere of interest of these searchers
  • nude celebrities are always popular, eg Britney Spears tits, britney tits, Paris Hilton naked, Christie Clarke nude (who’s she?)
  • Candice Falzon and Sonny Bill Williams toilet escapades
  • small dicks – continue to be of interest to many
  • pooh also seems to fascinate many – poop, crapping and women crapping.

Some new drawcards lately have included:

  • All Blacks – no doubt on the back of their World Cup failure …. the haka was also interesting to many
  • object sex – not sure which objects they are referring to … make your search more specific and you might have more luck (I mean are you interested in toys, fruit and vegetables or what?)
  • American football
  • girly phones – yep, my Samsung is one.

And the last 10k was racked up in 42 days.

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That’ll teach him

I am always amused by criminals doing stupid things to harm themselves during the committing of their crimes.  Well, there’s one burglar from Adelaide who will not be committing any more crimes, therefore solving a small part of the crime problem.

This guy somehow managed to slip while climbing through the window he had just smashed, cutting his throat in the process, and bleeding to death.

Whats the bet that his family tries to sue the owner of the house whose window he killed himself with?

One of those days

Yep, had one today.

Driving around, about lunchtime, and suddenly the car starts shuddering.  So I pull over.  And guess what?  One seriously flat tyre.

Oh shit says I (actually it was worse than that), because we’d had a flat about a month ago, and guess who hadn’t got around to replacing the spare?  (slack, I know, and the wife took great delight telling me “I told you so”).  Rang the NRMA and organised a tow to one of the local tyre places – an hour’s wait by the side of the road, and then the somewhat embarassing explanation to the tow truck driver (don’t know why its embarassing, but men are supposed to be competent at stuff like changing tyres and car things, so it makes me feel very incompetent when I have to get help like this).

Anyway, got to the tyre place about 5 minutes before it closed, and $230 later, 2 new front tyres.  Lucky there, too … a bit later and I’d have been stuck till Monday.  Phew!!!!

What better way to fill in a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon, and burn through a couple of hundred dollars?

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She’s a real doll

I just love this comment in a review of Britney Spears’ new album “Blackout”.

“If a blowup sex doll could sing, this is what she’d sound like.”

Pure gold!

Also, commenting on the studio trickery used in making it:

“In terms of studio trickery, Paris Hilton’s album was practically “Unplugged” compared to this.”

And while on the subject of blow-up/rubber dolls, there’s a movie about to come out called “Lars and the Real Girl” which is about a guy and his rubber dolly.  Ha ha, hope he isn’t into love bites …. did you hear about the guy who gave his doll a love bite?  She farted and flew out the window.

All talk no action

Candice Falzon / Michael Perini

Hey Candice Falzon, maybe just shut up until you actually win something, rather than constantly being in the news for everything except your achievements in your chosen sport.  Get out and win some ironwoman races, rather than carry on about how your screwing Sonny Bill Williams in the toilets of the Clovelly hotel was blown out of all proportion.

Perhaps some actual achievements will get you the right sort of attention.   Maybe any sort of attention, positive or negative, is the right sort of attention?  To date it seems you are in the news for being in the news, and nothing more than that (just like Tamsyn Lewis … another who gets way more attention than her achievements warrant).

How to massively increase traffic to your blog

Take this advice and write a post along these lines.

Tom Cruise in his next movie plays the part of a Nazi cryogenically frozen since the end of WW2. Thawed out from his frozen existence, he joins the Taliban in Afghanistan, having forgone the glories of Adolf Hitler and the thousand year reich to support Islamist terrorism, which he has fallen in love with. While in Afghanistan, Cruise shows he has lost none of his proficiency in the arts of war, actively participating in car bomb attacks on the infidel invaders. Next stop Iraq, but before going there, he takes advantage of the number one crop in Afghanistan, opium, and scores himself a few kilos of heroin to sell to raise funds for the Al-Qaeda cause. On the side he scores some marijuana to help him relax during the trip to Iraq. And, by the way, between being unfrozen and turning up with the Taliban in Afghanistan, he notices a few wrinkles on his face, and drops into a friendly plastic surgeon to get a bit of Botox treatment. Plus, along the way he meets the love of his life, Britney Spears, and her mates Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, and gets a bit of foursome sex action (with a bit of help from viagra), which naturally is filmed so they can all enjoy a bit of home made porn.

And, added bonus, he gets to see Hermione Granger nude … yep absolutely stark naked.”

Oh yes, because the US is the biggest market for movies, I’d better add this to the pitch.

“After his unfreezing, he also celebrated too much and ended up with a massive hangover, which he tried to cure by eating a stack of burritos”

Arseholes live forever

Thats what you’d think reading eulogies.   Everyone who dies is an absolutely wonderful person who was a paragon of virtue from the moment they were born until they took their last breath.

There’s been a storm in a teacup today about The Chaser comedy team’s show last night on TV and “The Eulogy Song” that Andrew Hansen sang.  It went roughly like this:

The Eulogy Song
Steve Irwin lived in Khaki, a cartoon kamikaze, he taunted crocs and tots so frequently. Brocky was some revhead who pumped the air with lead, so anti green he drove into a tree. But all that was forgotten once they took thier final breath, yes even tools turn into top blokes after death.
John Lennon chose the hippie life he chose some nutbag for a wif, his songs were never quite as good as Paul’s. Jeff Buckley fooled all lovers, just one album, mostly covers, with more wailing than Japan does off our shores. But all that was forgotten once he took his final breath, yes even wankers turn into top blokes after death.
Princess Di was just a slut for sex, when they looked in the car, a wreck, her dress was wet with Arab’s semen stains. Stan Zemanek was a racist jock a fatso and a phobic cock, his views were more malignant than his brain. But all that was forgotten wehn he took his final breath yes even arseholes turn into top blokes after death.
It’s not how they lived that counts, but how we rewrite the book, when it comes to truth, it;s best to use restraint, it pays to throw away the facts and have a rose coloured look, when he dies Martin Bryant will look a saint.
Don Bradmon was a total Bastard, grumpy, greedy, a tight-arse who couldn’t even score one run the last time he played. Kerry Packer was a brothel Chief, a tax fraud and a kidney thief, and procreating Jamie was the worst mistake he made. But all that was forgotten once he took his final breath yes, even fuckers turn into top blokes after death.
Remember all will be forgotten once we tale our final breath, yes even pervert mother fuckers, even rampant child abusers, even local Baghdad looters, even baby bunny rooters, even reckless drunken drivers, even violent poofter bashers, even public penis flashers, even rotting corpse molesters, even human piss ingesters, even tiny kitten dickers, even anal finger lickers, even Anna ‘bloody’ Coren, yes, even she will be a top bloke after death.
Care of the Chaser’s war on everything, written by Chris Taylor.

Obviously more important than things like the economy, health, education and all the other things that the federal election is about, this was sufficiently serious to draw comment from John Howard, who said it was “distasteful” and “despicable”, and:

“Why don’t they stick to decent dirt-free humour?”

That might be because its not as funny.  Also, somehow this brings to mind “who don’t you stick to decent dirt-free campaigning?”, John.

But not to be left out, Kevin Rudd has his bit to say, too:

“I have said before that I have enjoyed the Chaser’s work but I would say to those guys at the Chaser this is absolutely disgusting,” Mr Rudd said.

“Guys – you really need to lift your game, guys – this is just wrong.”

Insensitive, yes, bad taste, probably, funny, shit yeah.  The point of the song was to send up how people are eulogised as saints when they die.  Humour, satire …. those outraged by The Chaser need to get out more and get a life.  (They also need to get a TV that has (a) an on/off switch, and (b) a channel changer ….I’ve never noticed but there must be shops somewhere that only sell TVs that force people to watch things that they don’t enjoy and outrage them – lacking the capacity to change channels or switch them off.)

The song’s writer, Chris Taylor, said this about it:

“The song was intending to make a point about people who are flawed in life who are disproportionately hailed as saints in death,” Taylor said.

“You see it time and time again, people almost incorrectly eulogised and people very quickly forget what the person was like when they were alive.”

“When we mentioned Belinda Emmett and stopped, that’s our way of saying that’s going too far.”

During the program last night, the song’s performance was terminated just as Hansen refers to Belinda Emmett, who died of cancer last year  (they were being more sensitive than me …. clearly her illness and death gained her much more fame than anything she did as an actor or singer, and her posthumous CD sold far more than it would have if she hadn’t died).  Oh, and Zemanek was a bigoted loudmouth.