How to tell if you’re really drunk

Now the folks at the ever helpful NSW Office of Liquor and Gaming have produced an ever so useful list of the signs of intoxication. There are 39 of them. They issued these guidelines to club and hotel managers to assist them in fulfilling their responsible service of alcohol responsibilities.

So, here for your enlightenment and education are the 39 signs of being pissed. If you want to avoid being refused service, learn to fake your way around them. Alternatively just drink at one of the 90% plus of bars that don’t worry about RSA too much (after all many of them would go broke if they didn’t serve drunks).

The 39 signs of drunkenness are:

1. Slurring words

2. Rambling or unintelligible conversation

3. Incoherent or muddled speech

4. Loss of train of thought

5. Not understanding normal conversation

6. Difficulty in paying attention

7. Unsteady on feet

8. Swaying uncontrollably

9. Staggering

10. Difficulting walking straight

11. Cannot stand or falling down

12. Stumbling

13. Bumping into or knocking over furniture and people

14. Lack of co-ordination

15. Spilling drinks

16. Dropping drinks

17. Fumbling change

18. Difficulty counting money or paying

19. Difficulty opening doors

20. Inability to find one’s mouth with a glass

21. Rudeness

22. Agression

23. Belligerent

24. Argumentative

25. Offensive

26. Bad tempered

27. Physically violent

28. Loud or boisterous

29. Confused

30. Disorderly

31. Exuberance

32. Using offensive language

33. Annoying or pestering others

34. Overly friendly

35. Loss of inhibition

36. Inappropriate sexual advances

37. Drowsiness or sleeping at a bar or table

38. Vomiting

39. Drinking rapidly

Personally I find #20 the best guide. That, and unconsciousness.

Cheers, and make good use of this valuable guidance.

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