Two men walked into a petrol station near Auckland. One of them went to the pie warmer, picked up several pies and placed one inside his jacket. He then asked the attendant if he could have one pie for free but was told he would have to pay for all of them.   He storms off in a huff, then goes off and talks to his mate in the car outside, and decides he really does want his free pies.  But the attendant has locked the doors of the shop. 

The man returned to the car where he and his friend decided they would find another way to enter the store. They drove the car through the door, one of them picks up his pies off the counter and they do a runner.  A police chase followed, ended with them running over some police road spikes.

Seriously, a service station pie.  These guys have an instant insanity defence.  When has anyone ever had a decent servo pie.  Soggy, lukewarm, meatless, yes, but decent eating, never.

And in related junk food cravings news, also in New Zealand, a man flew into a rage after staff at a Wendy’s restaurant mucked up his order. He allegedly smashed tills, flipped tables and assaulted a police officer who responded to the incident. After being apprehended he was taken to hospital to be treated for injuries he had suffered during the arrest.

This one is more understandable.  I mean who hasn’t felt like throttling the idiot teenager who screws up their order at a takeaway.  I get pissed off with repeating orders twice or more, thinking to myself  “do I not speak English?” or “fuck you, listen” or “maybe if you concentrated on your job you wouldn’t fuck my order up”.

I’m listening to The Living End – Song For The Lonely

In a Los Angeles Walmart store a woman fended off her rivals for a cheap TV by pepper spraying them.  20 people were treated for injuries from the incident, many complaining of burning in their throats and skin and eye irritations.

But it gets better.   In gun crazy America, there were the inevitable shootings – “gunfight in the consumer electronics aisle”.  And there were fisticuffs too, in Florida a man was arrested after a fight at a jewellery counter – he kept going and tried to punch the police officers who tried to subdue him.

I don’t know why they bothered going to this trouble.  It’s not like she generally hides much even when she’d dressed.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

No, she’s not at the beach wearing a fancy bikini and beach dress in the second picture.  This is her idea of formal wear.  What was she wearing on her feet?  Sequined thongs?

Negotiate a $200,000 or so deal with a media company of course. Ka-ching!  Might as well cash in on your trauma.

I hate chequebook journalism.  It stinks.  I refuse to watch or read its products.  So Channel 9, I will be studiously ignoring the story you’ve paid for.

I hope that whatever money these people get falls under the proceeds of crime legislation and gets confiscated.  Failing that, how about the Australian and Indonesian governments sue them to recoup the costs they’ve incurred defending, supporting and prosecuting the boy respectively.

Stupidity does not deserve to be rewarded in any way, shape or form.

A barmaid who threw a wet tampon at a McDonald’s worker "for a laugh" says the drunken prank has ruined her life.  Rebecca Crimmins, who pleaded guilty to common assault in the Noosa Magistrates Court, said she had "pretty much lost everything" since the tampon-tossing incident in the early hours of September 25.

She accused some people of over-reacting to the incident.  The court last week heard a drunk Ms Crimmins had dabbed a McDonald’s worker’s hand with a wet tampon, before throwing it at him, when she went through the restaurant’s drive-through at Noosaville.

The self-confessed "27-year-old hooligan" said the tampon was only wet with cordial. She reckons the fast-food staff had "made a mountain out of a molehill".

Ms Crimmins said people needed to "lighten up".

"All my friends think it’s hilarious,"

"My parents have been answering the phone saying ‘hello, tampon tossers’.

"I have fun but I’m not a bad person."

The incident cost her a job at the Noosa Surf Life Saving Club.

Two things about this, I think.  First, it was a stupid prank, and had she done it within her circle of friends I doubt anyone would have had a problem with her.  But as soon as she involved other people, and aimed to make them the butt of her joke, she crossed the line of unacceptable behaviour.  Second, its hardly ruined her life – a small setback at worst and hopefully a valuable lesson in how to treat other people.

Police arrived at the house as the fight continued in the front yard, but the woman refused medical treatment, they said. An ambulance was called when she later suffered breathing difficulties, but she died at the house.

Hope that Dad and son are immensely proud of themselves.

A 14 year old boy was injured in Sydney while being towed by a car driven by his mother.  Fortunately he seems only to have ended up with a bad case of gravel rash after falling.

The local police said that the mother knew what her son was doing, and that:

"It’s usually something we associate with younger people, not a mum and son."

In saying that I’m sure the police officer didn’t take into account that plenty of morons have kids.

I bet his parents would be proud!

Oh hang on, there was a 30 year old man in the car who was charged with aiding and abetting a drink driver and permitting an unlicensed driver.  Dad, I bet.

A clinical counsellor using the alias "Sue" said yesterday she was dating a baggage handler at Brisbane airport in October 2004, the month Corby was arrested. He allegedly told her that a fellow worker came to work with a large bag of marijuana, and that when a supervisor came towards them, the guy panicked and stuffed the marijuana inside a bag behind him.

Her lawyer claims this is important new evidence, and is highly credible.

"I think it shows there’s reasonable doubt, which indicates that there should be a judicial review immediately into her case.”

Oh yeah, so 7 years after the event, a witness comes forward and files a statutory declaration that her former boyfriend told her this happened, and we’re supposed to believe, “sure, we knew it all along, those damn baggage handlers did it”.

This claim about baggage handlers has been tried several times in Corby’s defence. Funny how we’ve never heard of such things happening to anyone else before or since.  Funny how the bag of marijuana just happened to be in a vacuum sealed bag which neatly fit into her bag.  Funny how members of her family have drug connections.   Even her former lawyer admitted he made up his baggage handler claims in an attempt to create some doubt about her involvement with the drugs.

The Corby case crops up regularly, mostly because I think some of the players suffer attention deficit disorder, in that when they aren’t getting attention, they throw something out there to get themselves back in the spotlight.

But this latest evidence is just so flimsy.  It’s hearsay.  The straws they are clutching at have their own straws that they are clutching at.