">My Big World Of Crap

And no, its not because I was watching porn.

An episode of the ABC TV show “Hungry Beast” generated a bit of controversy this week with a story about the (soft) porn industry’s airbrushing of female genitalia, which gave an unrealistic image of what was “normal”.   Soft porn magazine publishers claimed they were forced to airbrush pictures due to classification rules which deemed explicit depictions of female genitalia to be inappropriate.  So all they tend to show in their pictures is a neat crease – nothing with any poking out or dangly bits.

It is claimed that this in turn influences women who are concerned that their vagina is not “normal”, and the increase in the number of women having plastic surgery on their genitals is largely due to this – labiaplasty is a growth business for cosmetic surgeons, apparently.  Personally I think you’d have to be incredibly vain, insecure or have too much money and time on your hands to want to get this done – no doubt it goes with another useless procedure, anal bleaching.

The show attracted some complaints, although not large numbers.  This could be a product of Australian TV viewers being less prudish than our American counterparts, or maybe simply that hardly anyone actually watches the show.  It could also be that there was plenty of warning before they showed the story.

“Certainly, it contained strong scenes. However, viewers were given clear warnings about the content – one before the show began, and one before the actual segment – and so had ample opportunity to avoid the segment if they felt it might make them uncomfortable.”

said an ABC spokesperson.

Now, I know a lot of my readers come here in search of pussy – so click on the “Hungry Beast” link above for today’s treat.  Don’t say I don’t deliver to my readers.

Now, for something a bit different, but related in a roundabout way, and to highlight the prudishness of Americans in particular, check this out.

A woman in New Jersey made a snow figure based on the famous Venus de Milo statue which is kept at the Louvre in Paris.  However the nude rendition of a female torso, including (shock! horror! oh my god the children might see it!) boobs, was too much for someone.  Said the lady who made the snowman:

"We had a visit from the local police who told us that a neighbour had complained about the statue and we needed to cover it up or knock it down,"

"We didn’t want to have any problem with the police so we covered it up."

Hence, what you see above.

I used to think Lindsay Lohan was pretty good in some of her earlier movies, like “Mean Girls” - the ones she did before she decided her mission in life was to outskank the likes of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.  Seems she’s gone through a rough patch, and according to someone associated with her, looking to clean up her act in 2010.

However her efforts look to be about to be undone by the release onto the internet of a sex video featuring her.  According to the source:

“The video film is dynamite. It is pretty seedy and shows Lindsay engaged in a particular sex act which, obviously, should remain behind closed doors.

“Lindsay was desperate to start 2010 off on a good footing and this is the very last thing she needs.”

The video, for which Hustler magazine is said to be willing to pay $175k for, is only 47 seconds long, and was filmed by a waiter from a chain restaurant.

Maybe there’s a couple of valuable life lessons she should take from the experience:

1. if you don’t want everyone to see you doing the sexing stuff - don’t film it.
2. giving blowies in the toilet/booth/at the table in the local Hooters/Chilis/TGI Fridays/McDonalds/whatever it was, is a dumb idea.

I’ve just been watching Battlestar Galactica, with all its Cylons, the machines that evolved into human form.  It seems that we are closer to that fictional universe than you might think.  Meet Roxxxy the rootable robot – a sex robot which was introduced at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas this week, a life-size robotic girlfriend complete with artificial intelligence and flesh-like synthetic skin.

According to her inventor:

“She can’t vacuum, she can’t cook but she can do almost anything else if you know what I mean,”

“She’s a companion. She has a personality. She hears you. She listens to you. She speaks. She feels your touch. She goes to sleep. We are trying to replicate a personality of a person.”

Roxxxy stands five feet, seven inches tall, weighs 120 pounds, and has C cup breasts.  She has an articulated skeleton that can move like a person but cannot walk or independently move its limbs.  Robotic movement is built into “the three inputs” and a mechanical heart that powers a liquid cooling system. (what exactly are those 3 inputs …. DVD drive, USB port, memory card slot?)  She comes with five personalities. Wild Wendy is outgoing and adventurous, while Frigid Farrah is reserved and shy.  There is a also a young, naive personality along with a Mature Martha and S & M Susan.

So we’ve got it covered, from those whose tastes go from the “barely 16” to MILF’s.  At the end of the day though, its basically an inflatable dolly that can move its arms and legs a bit and talk.   Users are still freaks – although at $US7-9k, fairly wealthy freaks.

Does this appeal to you?

If you’d like to own your own Roxxxy, go to this site.  And women, don’t feel left out – apparently they’re working on a male robot called Rocky.

Myself, I’d prefer a Number Six.

Fascinating to read what some of our school teachers get up to in their spare time.  

Nepean High School teacher’s assistant Sharron Anne Lee, 40, was involved in a threesome at a drunken New Year’s Eve sex party which later descended into a brawl.  Her bail hearing was told Lee, had fought with her girlfriend of three years, Carlie-Anne Bell, from Glenmore Park, in her bedroom while the man they had picked up at the Penrith Panthers club, Nikola Murgevski, watched on.  The three had continued partying at Rooty Hill RSL before retiring to Lee’s bedroom after playing "strip pool" in Lee’s backyard.  The hearing was told the fight had begun because Bell was upset that Lee was having sex with Murgevski.

The attack saw Bell hospitalised with a tear to her bowel lining and severe bleeding.  She was expected to require surgery.

Lee was charged with recklessly causing grievous bodily harm.  Police prosecutor Kristy Madden said the charges related to "an unusual set of circumstances" and the facts read "horrifically".

The mind boggles – obviously the assault involved something being stuck in Ms Bell’s arse, but leaves me wondering how a dildo or vibrator would have got there in a fight … strange choice of weapon.

This story has “bogan” written all over it.  Happened in western Sydney, Rooty Hill RSL and Penrith Panthers must be bogan central in terms of nightlife venues in that area, one of the protagonists has an oddly spelt name (Sharron with 2 “r”’s), the other a double barrel one, weird sex, lesbians, threesomes and fighting.  Something tells me they were probably fuelled by Bundy and Cokes, and there just has to have been Winfields smoked somewhere in the time they were together.

Next instalment in this adventure is on January 11, when it goes back to court.

Worried your 14 year old son might be a bit gay?  Simple solution according to a father from Rockhampton – take him to a (female) prostitute and get him to prove he’s not.  During a family barbecue around Christmas time in 2007, the dad allegedly phoned a prostitute and arranged to meet her at a motel on Yaamba Road, North Rockhampton. Dad paid her in cash, and she took the boy into the room while dad waited outside on the balcony, but walked in and out of the room to check on his son and told him he wanted to see a used condom as proof that they’d had sex. After the boy and the prostitute had finished the dad took his son home.

A magistrate yesterday found there was enough evidence against the father for him to stand trial for the rape of his son.

The alleged rape came to light some months after the event, when the father phoned the Child Protection Unit, and accused police of not acting on suspicions that his 14-year-old son was “abusing” his younger brother.  The dad allegedly told police he had “tried to sort it out himself by taking (his son) to a prostitute”.

There you have it, creative parenting ideas from the not so bright.  Some points for being concerned about his son’s welfare I guess, but big negatives for problem perception and for solution execution.

Following the Tiger Woods saga is like watching a train wreck happening in front of us.  His Mr Clean image is shot to ribbons.  As of now, I think he’s up to 11 girlfriends with whom he’s been cheating on his wife.

In the only statement I’m aware of since the news of his extra-marital activities got out he said this:

 I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values

What exactly are those values, Tiger?  I’d say the answer is self-evident in your behaviour in rooting around with all and sundry.  Surely values are reflected in a person’s behaviour, rather than what they say they are.  If your values didn’t say shagging everything in sight is ok, you wouldn’t be doing it.  Simple.

I think Tiger’s values in reality were probably along the lines of:

• I’m special and the world centres around me
• I can have and do anything I want
• women exist for my enjoyment
• I’m untouchable and won’t get caught.

Tiger Woods, the world’s best golfer, has had a really shit week.  First of all, that car accident, where he crashed into a fire hydrant and tree outside his house.  No big deal, you’d think.  However, he is being damn evasive about the circumstances of it.

Initial reports were that he had been in an accident and his wife, Elin, had broken the car’s window with a golf club to free him, and pulled him from the car and lay him on the ground, which is where he was when the ambulance arrived at his house.  But media speculation surrounding Friday’s crash includes a scenario in which Elin confronted Woods about an alleged affair and chased him with a golf club, smashing in the rear windows of the vehicle as Woods tried to flee, causing him to lose control.

That affair was allegedly with Rachel Uchitel.  She dismissed the rumours, saying she had met Woods twice in her life and only in her professional capacity as director of VIP services at a New York night club.  Woods has called the rumours "unfounded and malicious".

Tiger’s wife is the blonde in the middle of this picture, Rachel Uchitel is on the right.

Now, things have gotten worse for Tiger, with another woman coming out of the woodwork to claim she had an affair with him.  Jaimee Grubbs, 24, a Las Vegas cocktail waitress, has claimed she has details and evidence of a 31-month affair.  She claims she began an affair with Woods in April 2007 and ‘‘she has more than 300 text messages - some of them described as ‘racy’ - to prove it’.

The website RadarOnline.com reported one of the text messages allegedly sent by Woods read: “I will wear you out … when was the last time  you got (bleeped)?”  Another text message allegedly read: “Send me something very naughty … Go to the bathroom and take (a picture)".

But its getting worse – apparently there’s quite a string of women lining up to claim they had sex with Tiger Woods.  Wonder if they are all gold diggers looking to cash in on his fame and wealth, or there is any truth amongst all the claims?  Whatever the case, Woods’ privacy, which he is very protective of, is going to be sorely tested over the next few weeks.  His to-date squeaky clean public image is taking a bit of a hammering, and seems likely to continue to do so until he either fesses up or is able to refute the claims of the various women.

Interest in the matter is so high, there is even a market on Woods’ marital status as of the end of the year.

Which of these would you put money on?

PS – something that surprised me in this story is that Tiger Woods’ house is said to be worth only $3m.  In the scheme of things, for a reported billionaire, that’s very restrained and modest.

Meghan McCain, daughter of Republican presidential candidate John McCain, specifically is the one I’m talking about.  She posted a picture of herself in a tanktop, displaying a fair bit of boobage, on Twitter, and it really got the wowsers stirred up.  Here is the picture in question:

Shocking isn’t it?  Titillating in fact.  Woopitty do - she has breasts.  Amazing - she is a woman and most of them have a pair.

Nevertheless she felt the need to apologise for posting the picture, to anyone that was offended by her Twitpic.  Personally I’d have been inclined to tell them to suck it up and deal with it, plus get a life.

Meghan McClain, Twitter, Twitpic, breasts

As a man, I’m not sure I should be promulgating stories that just demonstrate that men are gullible desperadoes.  But I will anyhow.

There is a myth circulating in China that there is a town in Sweden with a population of 25,000 sex-mad lesbians.  It is said to have been founded in 1820 in the northern Swedish woods by a wealthy man-hating widow.  The town’s female residents became lesbians “because they could not suppress their sexual needs”, according to Chinese media reports. 

The Chinese media has embraced the story, with the result that millions of men are crippling the country’s internet providers trying to find out how to get to the town.

Local authorities in Sweden are mystified as to where the myth came from:

“At 25,000 residents, the town would be one of the largest in northern Sweden, and I find it hard to believe that you could keep something like that a secret for more than 150 years.”

A survey has found that women like to have a drink before having sex.   The study found 75 per cent of women liked to drink before getting into bed with their husband or boyfriend, and 6 per cent had never had sex sober.  Almost half said they preferred sex while under the influence of alcohol because it helped them lose their inhibitions and be more adventurous.  14 per cent of women in a relationship can’t sleep with their partner without a couple of glasses of wine beforehand.

The researchers, who surveyed 3000 women aged 18-50, found on average they slept with eight men, but were drunk with at least five, and on two occasions couldn’t remember the man’s name the next day. 

More than half claimed drinking with a prospective partner was "part of the dating process" so were a bit drunk when they had sex.  Well, duh, tell us something we didn’t already know.

The conclusions reached by the researchers included that women drink alcohol before having sex because they lack confidence in their bodies, and:

"The fact alcohol plays an integral role in their love lives shows that women are looking for a boost in self-esteem when it comes to their bedroom antics,"

also:

"But in doing so many women will be losing self-control, and this is when drunken one-night stands are more likely to occur."

Bet you that’s an amazing revelation – a stunning addition to humanity’s vast body of knowledge.

So watch out when your husband/boyfriend/partner/random stranger offers you a drink or three – he is after something.  Oh wait on, I don’t imagine that is a surprise to anyone.

Of course, women don’t need to be drunk to have sex.  They do it for many reasons, such as relieving boredom, keeping the peace or curing a headache – this according to some other research reported recently.  

"Research has shown most men find most women at least somewhat sexually attractive, whereas most women do not find most men sexually attractive at all,"

The women in this survey gave many reasons for having sex, among them:

• for a spiritual experience, "It’s the closest thing to God."
• relieving boredom
• keeping the peace, easier than fighting
• as a tradeoff for household chores
• “gives me something to do”
• sympathy - “I slept with a couple of guys because I felt sorry for them."
• in exchange for gifts - "He bought me a nice dinner", "he spent a lot of money on me early on", "he showed me he had an extravagant lifestyle".
• fun.

Love, lust and that sort of junk came into it somewhere too, I believe.

Some devious perverts in the confectionary industry are polluting childrens’ minds with pornography on their lolly packaging.  Claims have been made that the fruit figures that appear on Haribo MAOAM sour candies are engaging in sex acts.

Simon Simpkins of West Yorkshire was buying the lollies for his children when he noticed the "pornographic" illustrations of limes, lemons and cherries romping with each other.  He said:

"The lemon and lime are locked in what appears to be a carnal encounter."
"The lime, whom I assume to be the gentleman in this coupling, has a particularly lurid expression on his face”

Mr Simpkins is obviously very easily upset, and his wife a delicate soul, as:

"I demanded to see the shop manager and, during a heated exchange, my wife became quite distressed and had to sit down in the car park."

I leave you to judge – porn or not?

A Greek woman has shown the way.  At a nightclub in the Greek resort of Mallia, a drunken 20 year old English man was behaving like a dickhead, in particular by dropping his pants and waving his genitals at a number of women.  He then targeted the 26-year-old Greek woman, Marina Fanouraki "forcefully fondling" her and asking her to grab his genitals.  She asked him to piss off and leave her alone, but he didn’t.

So, she poured the alcoholic drink Sambucca over his penis and testicles.  That still didn’t stop him.  So she took a lighter and set fire to his genitals.

He received second-degree burns to his penis and testicles. He remains in a private medical clinic in Heraklion, the capital of Crete.  She is is defending charges of causing bodily injuries to him and endangering private property.  The magistrate and prosecutor agreed to set her free pending trial, indicating they accepted her argument that she acted in "justifiable self-defence".

She is being hailed as some sort of hero. A crowd gathered outside the police station where Miss Fanouraki was being questioned and there were cries of ‘Bravo, bravo’ when she was freed on bail. The incident has struck a chord with many people on the island (Crete) who are offended by the drunken behaviour of groups of British tourists.

Good on her I reckon!  Drunken yobbos deserve all they get.