The result, boobage overflowing at the top of the dress.  The term “Squoobs” has been coined to describe this, short for “squashed boobs”.  Looks fine to me, but I’d imagine its damn uncomfortable.

And just for good measure, here’s another one of Christina Hendricks.

Is it just me, or is she looking a bit lopsided?

I’m listening to Hunters & Collectors – Tender

In March the owners found the dog almost lifeless, in pain and in shock, with De Shields in the garage.  A veterinarian later found traces of asphyxiation, as well as serious injuries to the animal’s rectum and internal organs.

We can all figure out what he did to the dog.  No doubt it involved him getting dog shit on his dick.

The chihuahua was only able to survive thanks to intensive medical care.

De Shields was high on methamphetamine at the time.  He is a long term drug abuser and criminal. In the last 19 to 20 years, he has only been free from jail or monitoring by the authorities for about five months.

He got 10 years jail for rooting the dog.  In an unusual move for an animal cruelty case, De Shields was also required to register as a lifetime sex offender, meaning he will have to wear an electronic surveillance device and keep a distance from schools and other places where children gather.

A chihuahua, really?

Mind you, a cute little puppy was probably an upgrade for De Shields.

I doubt he was likely to get an actual (living) human to ever shag him. 

Having lost out with her workers compensation claim, then presumably lost at the Administrative Appeals Tribunal, she’s now taken it as far as the Federal Court.

Her man friend doesn’t seem to have done much good as a witness in support of her claim.  He had this to say:

"I do not know if we bump the light or it just fell off."

"I think she was on her back when it happened but I was not paying attention because we were rolling around,"

She and her man have managed to keep their names suppressed during the whole claim and cases to date.  If she’s got enough front to pursue it this far, I can’t see why she’d be shy about being outed.

So, not satisfied with bragging to the boys about scoring a root, he decides they need to have a video of the happy event.  Why?  I’m guessing its so they can savour him in action later on while they’ve all whacking off around the campfire or something.

The girl says she found out about what happened when she was contacted by Defence investigators who were alerted by another cadet. She said.

"It was like my whole world came crashing down around me,"

"They had to read the statements that the boys had to make and I actually threw up. I had to be asked to be excused from the interview because it made me physically ill."

The handling of the aftermath of the incident by the ADFA and ADF authorities has attracted plenty of criticism, including from Defence Minister Stephen Smith.  He has said of it:

"I can’t think of a greater betrayal of trust of a colleague in the workplace than the suggestions that have been made,"

"Once that trust has been destroyed then it is very difficult, if not impossible, for the person who has broken that trust to remain as a Defence Force personnel member."

Then he really hooked into them, over revelations that the Academy held a separate hearing into other minor disciplinary matters involving the girl, the day after the other matters came to light.  No pulling punches here, he said:

"On her own admission she is in a deeply distressed state. It is either in the realm of inappropriate, insensitive or completely stupid to hold such a hearing on a day like today.

Then things got even better, or worse, depending on your perspective.  Apparently some of her fellow cadets have decided to “punish” her for speaking out, by coating her bedroom door with shaving cream, and reportedly she has been on the receiving end of whispers of “slut” among other things.  Lovely!  And these people are going to be given guns and trained to kill people.

But while her ostracism by fellow cadets is bad enough, there have also been reports that she was ordered to apologise publicly to her fellow cadets for going public and humiliating them – although there have been subsequent denials of this by ADF officials.

And then the Minister has been criticised for making statements critical of the ADF and its handling of the incident.  Such comments, from the Defence lobby, largely retired military officers, say plenty about the ignorance of the ADF in understanding they have a serious problem.

I think its all fairly simple really.  The girl screwed up, and should be dealt with for fraternisation which is against ADF and ADFA rules.  Minor offence in the scheme of things, punishment a few days in the naughty corner.  The male cadets, however, have committed an unconscionable breach of trust, and in doing so demonstrated beyond doubt their unsuitability to ever be officers in the ADF.  The only punishment for them is to be expelled from ADFA and discharged from the service.  No ifs, no buts, what they did is so far across whatever line anyone cares to draw about acceptable behaviour there is no way they can be excused.

I’ll wait and see what happens.  My suspicion is that the incident basically destroys the woman’s career.  There is enough corporate memory in the Defence organisation that a significant number of its members will always bear against her that she was the Skype video girl and couldn’t take it, then dobbed on her mates and caused them to lose their careers.  I expect her position in the services is pretty much untenable.

I’m also interested to see whether the ADF comes to a realisation that incidents like this are not one-offs and isolated cases, but systemic ones.  I’ll believe they are serious about reform and tackling the issues when  I see a bunch of middle to senior ranking officers being sacked over things that people under their command do.  A large dose of personal accountability might drive home to these guys that the treatment of women is something they need to take seriously, not pay lip service to.

Do not mess with Maria Topp, who lives in Newcastle in England.  Ask her boyfriend (I assume now former boyfriend) Martin Douglas.

Must have been some argument they had.

She bit his testicles off.

She is due to appear in court next month charged with assault causing grievous bodily harm.  He has had surgery to reattach his nuts.

As a service to readers, here is a photo of the lovely Maria.  Be warned.

She had allegedly charged toward an officer with a “clear, rigid feminine pleasure device” when the officer went to Ms Bildsten’s apartment after she was accused of skipping out on a restaurant tab.

“Clear, rigid feminine pleasure device” – ha ha, what a euphemism!.

And I love this explanation she gave for why she attacked the police officer:

“I got scared. And the only thing in my sock drawer besides my socks and my cash was a dildo,”

He recruited a couple of his mates and paid the boyfriend a visit.  What happened next, according to the police, is:

“The man was forced to remove his trousers and, fully conscious, he was castrated,"

"The severed testicles were taken away by the perpetrator."

The boyfriend survived, despite suffering loss of blood (and balls).  The father has pleaded guilty to attempted murder, refusing to give up his accomplices and insisting his actions were justified.  In his own words to the police:

"I received a phone call anonymously that my daughter was involved with a guy 40 years older than her. You said you couldn’t stop him – so I did,"

"I saw it as my duty as a father."

I wonder if the boyfriend still finds his young girlfriend desirable.  Worth the chase?

A picture emerged late last week of Monaghan in a very compromising position with a labrador dog – to put it bluntly, it appeared the dog was giving him a blow job.

If you want the uncensored photograph, you can find it easily enough, here for example (WARNING – VERY MUCH NOT SAFE FOR WORK).

It seems that the lads in the local footy team were having some post season celebrations at one of their houses, and that Monaghan wasn’t really getting a blow job from the dog, but it was a prank, a simulated sex act.  Of course, all the boys were well tanked when this happened, and thought it was a great hoot, so much so that out came the mobile phones to take photos of the happy event.  Of course, there is a lesson we should never forget, which is that pissed idiots and cameras should never be allowed in the same place at the same time.  Normally I’d find it surprising that not one person there thought “hey this is not really a good idea” or “you know Joel, there are boundaries to what we should do”, or even “it would be really bad if this got out on the internet” – but we are talking of a bunch of football players here.

Well, you know what happened next, of course.  Surprise surprise it found its way to Twitter, then got mentioned by a radio station in Melbourne, then it was everywhere.

So now, Joel Monaghan, his team the Canberra Raiders, and the game he plays, rugby league, are laughing stocks around the world.  I bet you him nor the team mates who were all part of this prank probably don’t think it’s so funny right now.

To his credit, Monaghan did confess it was him in the photo that leaked – although the evidence against him really didn’t leave him much choice, but I’m sure many people in his situation would have tried to claim it was someone else who looked similar and denied it was them.  It was reported over the weekend that he would resign from the Raiders and go to play in England, to get away from the pressure, and humiliation that he would suffer every time he went out to play football – that plus it was very much a case of quitting before being fired by the club.

However, there seems to be an attempt by other players in his team to save him from being terminated, and to keep him.  Very forgiving lot these footballers.  These efforts undoubtedly might have been better expended in telling him to leave the dog alone at the party where it happened.  His fate is expected to be determined at a Canberra Raiders board meeting tomorrow.

Now, for those who have no desire to see the actual photo – and didn’t click on the link above to it – here is a simulation of what happened, a simulation of a simulated act as it were.

Apparently no dogs were hurt in the making of this video.  Actually I was talking to my daughter today (she trains dogs as part of her work) and she thought the dog wouldn’t have been hurt or distressed at all by having Monaghan’s penis in its mouth – in fact it most likely thought along the lines of “yum, I got peanut butter and this human is laughing and having fun so I’m happy, can we do it some more?” (the peanut butter reference is because it is believed that Monaghan coated his genitals with it to entice the dog to lick it off).

And what is it with these footballers who seem to want to find every opportunity to have their dicks out around each other – a bit of man love going on there?

The woman was in Nowra for a conference in November 2007 when she and her partner engaged in sexual activity in her motel room and pulled a glass light fitting from the wall. It fell on the woman, injuring her nose and one of her teeth.  Now, I’m rather curious about the layout of the room, where the light fitting was and how exactly they managed to pull it from the wall on top of her.  They must have been having a pretty good time of it!  Swinging from the chandelier perhaps?

Comcare, which is defending the claim, argue, quite reasonably in my opinion, that the activities that led to her injuries were “quintessentially private”.   She of course seems to be arguing that as the injuries happened during a work related conference at the motel, they should be covered by workers’ compensation.  Pretty long bow to draw in my opinion – I really can’t see any connection between shagging a bloke and her job – a bit of networking maybe?

I’m interested to see what the AAT makes of this claim – will they agree with the woman’s claim or not?

Naturally, he gets a lifelike sex doll made in her likeness, at a cost of $18,000.

According to the doll maker:

“She was a smiling blonde girl but he wanted bigger boobs and a curvier backside,” “Our normal dolls are very realistic and everything works just like the real thing.”

Hmmm!!!  But don’t knock something till you’ve tried it I suppose.  According to her maker:

“She is now the perfect girlfriend as far as I can see,”

I’ll have to take his word for it – the whole idea of screwing a doll really doesn’t do it for me.