Nice pussy

Heidi Klum, in pussy cat costume.

Whatever floats your boat

Colin Lazarus, from Melbourne, has an extremely interesting fetish.  He bought an 11 year old girl black pointy platform shoes then persuaded her to wear them so she could kick him in the genitals.  On another occasion, he asked the girl to kick him in the genitals and put her shoed foot into his mouth.  He also got her 8 year old brother to join in the kicking.  One time, he told her to stand on his neck while her brother kicked him.  He admitted to police he had a sexual fetish for shoes and people standing on him.

Judge Lance Pilgrim said it was the strangest case he had dealt with in his 49 years in court.

No shit!!!!

More sex increases chances of pregnancy

Believe it or not!

Some men should have sex every day to maximise the chances of getting their partner pregnant, researchers say.

Actually, this is not just stating the obvious, nor is it some guys making shit up to get more sex,

It is known for couples with fertility problems to abstain from sex for several days to boost sperm numbers before trying to conceive.  However, researchers have found this might result in poorer quality sperm.  Dr Allan Pacey, the secretary of the British Fertility Society, said that while not having sex allowed the numbers of sperm to build up, there was a “trade-off” between quality and quantity.

“This research shows that when you put people on a daily ejaculation regime, it reduces the figure for DNA damage.”

The conclusion of the researchers was that if a couple was initially trying to get pregnant, an interval of two to three days was probably advisable - whereas a man with high DNA damage and a “decent” sperm count should try more often.

Naked celebrities

I know, I know, this is just a shameless attempt to attract visitors via search engines, but previous reviews of my site statistics show that sex, nudity and celebrities are key drawcards, so I thought I’d cover them all in a single post.

3 stories about celebrities involved in varying degrees of nakedness caught my attention lately.

First, Jenna Jameson, probably the most famous porn movie actress in the world, is set to visit Australia.

The reason for her visit is nothing to do with her “acting”, but the fact that she has fallen for the fashions of Perth designer, Aurelio Costarella. Jameson said she fell for the designs six months ago while doing a magazine shoot in an Aurelio Costarella gown. I’m assuming she needs the clothes for her social, rather than professional, life, given the latter generally involves little in the way of clothes at all …unless you count high heels and stockings (do they still always wear shoes in porn movies by the way - its been ages since I’ve seen one?)

Second, Vanessa Hudgens, star of the High School Musical movies, has had some nude photos of herself find their way onto the internet. She obviously did not take heed of the motto that you don’t take photos or videos of yourself in action unless you’re willing to share them on the web.

Hudgens, 18, has been the subject of speculation about whether the appearance of the photos would affect her future employment with Disney, makers of the High School Musical movies …which I’m sure anyone with children will have seen several times - I know, my kids must have seen it a dozen times at least. Anyway, she has been forced to apologise for her indiscretion in having the nude photos taken (or more accurately, was the indiscretion actually in having them leaked?) Her statement said:

“I want to apologise to my fans, whose support and trust means the world to me,”

“I am embarrassed and regret having ever taken these photos.”

“It is a personal matter and it is unfortunate that this has become public,”

Disney has stuck by her so far, but said in a statement it hoped she had learned a lesson.

Personally, I can’t see what she’s got to apologise for. She took some nude photos for her boyfriend. The photos are nothing scandalous, rather very harmless. Apart from revealing that an 18 year old girl has boobs and pubes (shocking isn’t it?), she is doing nothing but standing there, wearing nothing but a smile. As with the Melissa Scannell case, the real villain is the person who got hold of the photos and leaked them.

And in later news, there are now supposedly photos of her engaged in “lesbian kissing”. Judge for yourself - more like fart-arsing around with her friends if you ask me. Desperate attempt to keep the issue going, maybe?

Finally, and most pathetically, Britney Spears.who has been absolutely savaged about her performance at the MTV Video Music Awards. Kicking off the show with her new single, Gimme More, Spears looked bleary and unprepared. She walked through her dance moves with little enthusiasm. It appeared she had forgotten the entire art of lip-synching. She’ s also been bagged out for being fat and out of shape - thats a bit unfair I think.

The rubbishing for lip-synching badly (lipsynching at all deserves rubbishing, let alone doing it badly) is deserved. Not to mention, criticism of a shit song and performance … but I’d hardly say Britney’s looking porky. Skanky trailer trash with extremely limited talent, yes …fat, no, thats just being cruel! In other Britney news, she’s been photographed out in public having forgotten to wear knickers … again.

It was all her fault

Sakelarios “Charlie” Kambouris says so.  Giving evidence at the inquest into the death of Dianne Brimble, he said, when asked his opinion about her death:

“I think there was a 40-year-old woman who had the option to leave, decided to stay.

“Partying with some younger men and had a misadventure that now has brought this - what could have been a happier time - into a chaotic time.”

While on the subject of blaming everyone else for his troubles, he also had a shot at the way the inquest has been conducted, saying he thought innocent families and taxpayers had been hurt because of her (the coroner’s) approach to the inquest.

Kambouris is the seventh of the eight persons of interest to give evidence at the inquest.  The eighth, Mark Wilhelm, has indicated to the inquest that he will exercise his right to decline to give evidence on the grounds that he might incriminate himself.

Kiddy fiddling damn expensive for Catholic church

You’d have to wonder whether at some stage in the past, the Catholic church actively recruited pedophiles into the priesthood. Was sexual attraction to children actually a selection criteria? They could hardly have done worse if that had been their recruitment practice, than what has actually transpired.

The news that the Los Angeles Archdiocese of the Catholic Church has settled 508 claims of alleged sexual abuse by its clergy and lay people, totalling $660m, is a terrible inditement on the church, and its selection of priests and its subsequent management of misconduct allegations. This is on top of an earlier settlement last December of $60m to settle another 45 cases. The total cost of sex abuse claims against the church in the US now tops $2 billion.

And thats the US alone. We have a nice little case brewing here in Canberra, involving a teacher at a local Catholic college, Daramalan, between the years 1988 and 2000. Paul Joseph Lyons committed suicide in 2000 after being charged with indecently assaulting a 15-year-old student at the college in 1989. The plaintiffs’ lawyer said that while it has not been alleged that the college authorities were aware of the sexual abuse, they had been aware of complaints from early on by fellow teachers and parents that Lyons behaved in an overly familiar way with students. This involved regularly inviting three or four boys to his flat on Friday nights, sometimes for overnight stays, or for excursions or camping trips.

Something that staggered me is that the church could actually buy insurance policies to cover sex abuse claims. Thats how institutionalised and widespread the problem had become. Imagine how much better it would have been for the victims, and cheaper for the church, if those in positions of responsibility had acted with decency in dealing with abuse allegations against their clergy, rather than seeing their role as being to deny, cover up and protect the church at all costs.

Update (19/07/2007): For an amusing take on the question of insurance, see here. Picture these as taglines for insurance company advertising:

(”Prudential for Auto, home, fire, theft, penetrating a 10-year-old, with deductibles as low as $44 million.” )

(”At Aetna, we offer wrap-around coverage for everything from sodomy to fondling…”)

(”I accidently penetrated a red-haired six-year old girl and my State Farm Agent was on the scene within minutes.” [I’m State Farm agent Adrian Goodlove and this is a true story…])

***************

Stella sucks her way to success

 Stella Marie Thompson has earned millions from the aftermath of a blowjob she was giving in 1995.  Stella, you see, worked under the name, Divine Brown, who was caught in the act in actor Hugh Grant’s car.

It turns out that Grant was caught out largely because he was being a tightarse with his money. Ms Brown reveals that the pair were caught by police because Mr Grant did not have the $117 required to purchase hotel services from her and instead had to settle for the $70 “in car” option. She said Mr Grant attracted attention because he had not turned his ignition off during the encounter and had continued to press the brake peddle, causing the light to flash on, off, on, off.

Hugh Grant went through a lot of public humiliation after being busted.

For Divine Brown, the money she earned from interviews and endorsements has allowed her to put her children through private school and buy a four-bedroom house.  Says her manager (pimp), Alvin “Gangsta” Brown:

“I love Hugh Grant. Hugh Grant put my kids through school, gave us a chance of the life we probably would’ve never reached,” Gangsta said.

“We had a chance to travel on private jets. If I can meet him and shake his hand all I would like to say is: ‘Thank you. I appreciate you, and if there is anything I can do in return I would love to be a friend’.”

Wanking above and beyond the call of duty

Daniel Peter Blair, of Brisbane, must be one of the most determined wankers on the planet.  He turned up at a woman friend’s house one day last year, and began masturbating while in the shower.  After his shower, he went into the bedroom and continued his “masturbation marathon”, while rolling around on the woman’s bed.  He returned to the bathroom for more and was busted by his friend, who was attempting to bath her three-and-a-half year-old daughter.

Mr Blair refused her repeated requests to stop, prompting her to fetch a knife from the kitchen which she used to stab him twice in the left shoulder.  The woman, Kylie Louise Wilson, pleaded guilty to one count each of unlawful wounding and wilful damage.

Crown prosecutors said Mr Blair paused only to put on his shorts and flee outside to wait for police to arrive, but was again overcome by the urge.  According to the prosecutor:

“Despite his injury, it seems (Mr Blair) continued to masturbate while in the garage,”

Police took him to hospital where he received treatment for the minor stab wounds.

The judge accepted the Crown’s submission that Wilson had been subjected to “grossly offensive conduct … which in a moral sense amounts to extreme provocation.”

He sentenced her to nine months’ jail but ordered that she be immediately released on parole.

In other news about the hazards of sex, this is a warning to be careful while screwing with co-workers on the roof of the office building.  A taxi driver in Columbia, South Carolina, found the naked bodies of a man and woman, in their early 20’s, on the road early one morning.  The fact that their clothes were found on the roof of the building has led police to speculate that the couple were having sex on the rooftop.

News roundup

1 Workchoices

According to the federal government, its somehow sinister and nasty that the union movement fund an advertising campaign against the Workchoices legislation, allegedly costing $70m (or $100m depending who you believe). The ACTU denies it is spending anything like this.

Federal Workplace Relations Minister Joe Hockey claimed the Australian Council of Trade Unions’ campaign would outspend the Federal Government’s commitment by five to one and two-thirds of that money would come from unions. So what? I’m guessing here (I don’t think its much of a stretch) that whatever advertising Joe Hockey is talking about is going to be paid for by taxpayers, not by the Liberal Party, despite it being nothing but party propaganda.

So the government thinks its OK for it to spend taxpayers money on its own propaganda but chucks a sook when opponents use their own money to counter their arguments (by the way, I think the government has done an extremely poor job of arguing a case for Workchoices all along …they have been totally unconvincing).

2 Daily Telegraph vs Kevin Rudd

Isn’t the Telegraph trying to have a serious go at Kevin Rudd? All that beatup about the Anzac Day dawn service in Vietnam that the Sunrise program was trying to stage early so it could appear on their show is just garbage. So what, politicians stage contrived events for TV? Wow, news! Politicians lie …surprise me! I had a look at the Sunday Telegraph yesterday and there were pages on it.

Funny though how Rudd used the “my office didn’t bring it to my attention” excuse in denying knowledge of the dawn service being a stunt …convenient when in trouble, ask Alexander Downer and co, works all the time for them. They’re no doubt all fudging the truth.

Rudd has denied he’s knowingly told a lie or would in his political life. Talk about setting yourself up for a fall …just waiting now for one to be exposed, and no doubt there’ll be journalists on a mission to do exactly that.

3 Footy frolics

More footy boofheads at it again over the last week or so.

First, Sonny Bill Williams and his adventures with Candice Falzon in the toilet at the Clovelly Hotel in Sydney. There’s even photos of the happy couple courtesy of someone’s mobile phone.

A patron said it was obvious what was going on in the toilet.

“There were people in the toilets hearing them in action - they were certainly not discreet,” the source said. “There were a lot of people around who saw them and remarked how brazen they were.”

Sonny Bill is of course “ashamed and embarassed” by his behaviour but claims he was too drunk to remember. Then he grovels to his girlfriend via the press.

Williams said he was speaking out about the incident because he wanted his girlfriend of almost a year, Genna Shaw, to know he loved her.

“Football’s here for a lot of my life, but I want Genna involved in all of it,” he said.

Sweet! Maybe should have thought of that before letting his dick take control. In the mens’ at the pub, errk, how romantic! Surely Williams on his $500k per season salary could have gone to the expense of a room? But of course he was too drunk to remember …not too drunk to get it up though. “Dunny Bill” … what a champion!

Meanwhile, Falzon said her fling with Williams was a huge mistake.

“I’ve made a mistake and I’m very, very sorry about it,” Falzon said.

“I’m conscious of my image as a sportswoman and I’ve got a responsibility to young people.

“Young girls look up to me.”

I’d like to know which ones. She seems to be working her way through a team or so of football players … and she’s a follower of all - rugby league, rugby union, soccer … a true sports fan!

Second, Willie Mason proves himself a tool, yet again. This time he’s been in trouble for carrying on like an idiot after refusing an interview with Radio 2GB journalist Michelle Keighran. She was reduced to tears after Mason refused an interview with her, then interrupted her other interviews with teammates by yelling and imitating rap artists. Hey Willie, fair enough to refuse an interview …but can’t we do it politely like a civilised human, without carrying on like a dickhead? Mason turned 27 yesterday - still acts like a 12 year old much of the time.

To give him some credit, he did call Keighran today to apologise for his behaviour. Next time, Willie, remember, engage brain, then speak and you won’t have to go round apologising for being an arsehole.

Third, Michael Braun of the West Coast (Coke, and I don’t mean the black fizzy stuff) Eagles let slip the magic F word in his acceptance speech for the best player award at a game on the weekend, which was heard by the crowd and TV audience. Not a huge big deal, but I’d have thought the Eagles players would have the smarts to be on their absolute best behaviour at the moment … clearly not it seems.

Just more examples of young men with too much money and time on their hands, inflated opinions of themselves, not much brains, molly coddled by managers and team officials just because they are good at footy.