">My Big World Of Crap

We all know people who do various things to occupy themselves while they’re driving somewhere, for instance, talking on the phone, texting, fiddling with the radio/CD/MP3 player, eating, drinking, fixing up the makeup, etc etc.  Whatever, it helps pass the time, and helps them get ready for wherever it is they’re going.

What about trimming your pubes?  Ever thought of that as something you could do while driving?

Megan Barnes, a 37 year old Florida woman, obviously thought it was something she needed to take care of while driving along.  It was obviously distracting, as she ran up the back of another car while doing it.

Not only that, she was doing this while in the car with her ex-husband on her way to visit her boyfriend (somehow I think there’s got to be trailer parks involved here).    Apparently the ex was steering the car, from the passenger seat, while she was doing her gardening.

Patrol officers say they determined that in addition to this bit of "landscaping" behind the wheel, Barnes was already driving with a suspended license, just one day after she was convicted of driving under the influence.  She was charged with reckless driving, driving with a revoked license, leaving the scene of a crash with injuries, and driving without insurance. Trooper Gary Dunick, describing what Ms. Barnes was thinking, explained,

"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit."

And no, its not because I was watching porn.

An episode of the ABC TV show “Hungry Beast” generated a bit of controversy this week with a story about the (soft) porn industry’s airbrushing of female genitalia, which gave an unrealistic image of what was “normal”.   Soft porn magazine publishers claimed they were forced to airbrush pictures due to classification rules which deemed explicit depictions of female genitalia to be inappropriate.  So all they tend to show in their pictures is a neat crease – nothing with any poking out or dangly bits.

It is claimed that this in turn influences women who are concerned that their vagina is not “normal”, and the increase in the number of women having plastic surgery on their genitals is largely due to this – labiaplasty is a growth business for cosmetic surgeons, apparently.  Personally I think you’d have to be incredibly vain, insecure or have too much money and time on your hands to want to get this done – no doubt it goes with another useless procedure, anal bleaching.

The show attracted some complaints, although not large numbers.  This could be a product of Australian TV viewers being less prudish than our American counterparts, or maybe simply that hardly anyone actually watches the show.  It could also be that there was plenty of warning before they showed the story.

“Certainly, it contained strong scenes. However, viewers were given clear warnings about the content – one before the show began, and one before the actual segment – and so had ample opportunity to avoid the segment if they felt it might make them uncomfortable.”

said an ABC spokesperson.

Now, I know a lot of my readers come here in search of pussy – so click on the “Hungry Beast” link above for today’s treat.  Don’t say I don’t deliver to my readers.

Now, for something a bit different, but related in a roundabout way, and to highlight the prudishness of Americans in particular, check this out.

A woman in New Jersey made a snow figure based on the famous Venus de Milo statue which is kept at the Louvre in Paris.  However the nude rendition of a female torso, including (shock! horror! oh my god the children might see it!) boobs, was too much for someone.  Said the lady who made the snowman:

"We had a visit from the local police who told us that a neighbour had complained about the statue and we needed to cover it up or knock it down,"

"We didn’t want to have any problem with the police so we covered it up."

Hence, what you see above.

Apparently some people are so taken by the planet Pandora in the movie “Avatar” that they are getting depressed and having suicidal feelings about not being able to go there. All I can say to them is “get a life”!

I’ve just been watching Battlestar Galactica, with all its Cylons, the machines that evolved into human form.  It seems that we are closer to that fictional universe than you might think.  Meet Roxxxy the rootable robot – a sex robot which was introduced at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas this week, a life-size robotic girlfriend complete with artificial intelligence and flesh-like synthetic skin.

According to her inventor:

“She can’t vacuum, she can’t cook but she can do almost anything else if you know what I mean,”

“She’s a companion. She has a personality. She hears you. She listens to you. She speaks. She feels your touch. She goes to sleep. We are trying to replicate a personality of a person.”

Roxxxy stands five feet, seven inches tall, weighs 120 pounds, and has C cup breasts.  She has an articulated skeleton that can move like a person but cannot walk or independently move its limbs.  Robotic movement is built into “the three inputs” and a mechanical heart that powers a liquid cooling system. (what exactly are those 3 inputs …. DVD drive, USB port, memory card slot?)  She comes with five personalities. Wild Wendy is outgoing and adventurous, while Frigid Farrah is reserved and shy.  There is a also a young, naive personality along with a Mature Martha and S & M Susan.

So we’ve got it covered, from those whose tastes go from the “barely 16” to MILF’s.  At the end of the day though, its basically an inflatable dolly that can move its arms and legs a bit and talk.   Users are still freaks – although at $US7-9k, fairly wealthy freaks.

Does this appeal to you?

If you’d like to own your own Roxxxy, go to this site.  And women, don’t feel left out – apparently they’re working on a male robot called Rocky.

Myself, I’d prefer a Number Six.

Fascinating to read what some of our school teachers get up to in their spare time.  

Nepean High School teacher’s assistant Sharron Anne Lee, 40, was involved in a threesome at a drunken New Year’s Eve sex party which later descended into a brawl.  Her bail hearing was told Lee, had fought with her girlfriend of three years, Carlie-Anne Bell, from Glenmore Park, in her bedroom while the man they had picked up at the Penrith Panthers club, Nikola Murgevski, watched on.  The three had continued partying at Rooty Hill RSL before retiring to Lee’s bedroom after playing "strip pool" in Lee’s backyard.  The hearing was told the fight had begun because Bell was upset that Lee was having sex with Murgevski.

The attack saw Bell hospitalised with a tear to her bowel lining and severe bleeding.  She was expected to require surgery.

Lee was charged with recklessly causing grievous bodily harm.  Police prosecutor Kristy Madden said the charges related to "an unusual set of circumstances" and the facts read "horrifically".

The mind boggles – obviously the assault involved something being stuck in Ms Bell’s arse, but leaves me wondering how a dildo or vibrator would have got there in a fight … strange choice of weapon.

This story has “bogan” written all over it.  Happened in western Sydney, Rooty Hill RSL and Penrith Panthers must be bogan central in terms of nightlife venues in that area, one of the protagonists has an oddly spelt name (Sharron with 2 “r”’s), the other a double barrel one, weird sex, lesbians, threesomes and fighting.  Something tells me they were probably fuelled by Bundy and Cokes, and there just has to have been Winfields smoked somewhere in the time they were together.

Next instalment in this adventure is on January 11, when it goes back to court.

I’ve been doing and still have quite a bit of flying to do this year.  So reading about the 2 pilots on the Northwest Airlines flight who missed their destination is not exactly inspiring me with confidence.  There were suspicions that the pilots missed their landing in Minneapolis by 241 kilometres because they were arguing, or were asleep, but they are now claiming that they were discussing airline scheduling and using their laptops.  Hmmm, ok, so the guys driving the plane aren’t concentrating on the job at hand, but mucking around on their computers.  Sort of puts using a mobile phone while driving to shame.

The pilots were out of communication with air-traffic controllers and their airline for more than an hour and did not realise their mistake until contacted by a flight attendant asking about making preparations for landing.  I bet that was one of those “oh shit” moments for the pilots.  Air-traffic controllers in Denver and Minneapolis repeatedly tried without success to raise the pilots of the flight by radio. Other pilots in the vicinity tried reaching the plane on other radio frequencies. Their airline tried contacting them using a radio text message that chimes.  Authorities became so alarmed that National Guard jets were readied for take-off at two locations.

Despite what the pilots claim happened, people are having difficult swallowing it.  Many aviation safety experts had said it was more plausible that the pilots had fallen asleep during the cruise phase of their flight  than that they had become so focused on a conversation that they lost awareness of their surroundings.

I’m not sure which fills me with less confidence about flying, the pilots distracted, arguing or falling asleep.

Northwest Airlines, pilots, Minneapolis

Matthew Millington was a British soldier who developed an incurable lung condition while serving in Iraq.  A year later he was told he would die in two years unless he had a transplant.

So he had the lung transplant.

And died later of lung cancer.  It turned out the organs donated to him came from someone who smoked 30 to 50 cigarettes a day.  Papworth Hospital in Cambridge, which performed the transplant, said early X-rays did not find any sign of cancer in Mr Millington’s lungs.  Drugs given to Mr Millington to help his body accept the new organs sped up the spread of a tumour, which had been missed in the screening of the transplanted lungs.  The hospital defended its use of smokers’ lungs in transplants and said all organs were screened rigorously.

Shit some people are unlucky.

Michael Toney was convicted and sentenced to death in 1999 for his part in a car bombing which killed 3 people.

He maintained his innocence over the years and finally had his conviction overturned and was freed from jail on September 2 this year.

On Saturday he was killed in a car accident.

Bummer!

An Air India crew put a whole new spin on in-flight entertainment recently.  Not for the passengers on this plane the usual movies and music programs – no, they got treated to a brawl between pilots and cabin crew.  Crew members threw punches and hurled abuse - in full view of 106 passengers - after an air stewardess accused one of the co-pilots on flight IC-844 of sexually harassing her.  At one point, the cockpit of the Airbus A320 was left unmanned.

It is still not clear precisely how or when the fight started, but it is believed to have stemmed from an angry exchange during the pre-flight briefing before the plane left Sharjah airport in the UAE.  Police in Delhi said that a 24-year-old stewardess accused one of the flight deck crew of trying to molest her and of pushing her out of the cockpit when she resisted.  Officers said they had registered a case against two pilots on suspicion of committing "assault or use of criminal force against a woman with intent to outrage her modesty". The pilots are reported to have made a counter-claim, saying that the harassment allegation was an attempt to divert attention from accusations of misconduct against a male flight attendant.

Air India said in a statement it had ordered an inquiry into what it described as a reported “scuffle”, adding that two pilots and two crew members had been suspended.

So lets scrub Air India from my list of airlines which I might use sometime – I prefer my in-flight entertainment to be more tame than that. 

I’m always amused by stories of criminals getting harmed or killed in odd ways during their crimes, so this one appealed to me.

A student in Baltimore, USA, killed a burglar with a samurai sword after spotting the intruder in his garage.   He and his housemates asked the burglar to stop, but while they called police, the suspect lunged at the student,who retaliated by striking him with a samurai sword, severed his left hand and gave severe lacerations to the upper torso and neck.

The undergraduate medical student at Baltimore’s prestigious Johns Hopkins University was being questioned by police but he may not be charged if found to be acting in self-defence.  He had recently reported a burglary in which thieves reportedly took laptop computers and a Sony PlayStation.

The burglar, who was in his late 40s, had a history of burglaries and had just been released from prison on Saturday.  In my opinion, no great loss to the world – got what what deserved.

Interesting choice of weapon though – just happening to have a samurai sword handy in the event of burglary?

It seems that the problem of men looking at hard core pornography on the computers at the library continues up in Maroochydore, on Queensland’s Sunshine Coast.   After Alison Sheldon saw a man doing it, and complained to the local council about it, her husband  Dr Paul Sheldon presented a petition with over 3,000 signatures to the council, calling on them to install filtering software on the public access computers at the library.

Despite saying this:

"There have been a number of incidents where men have been asked to leave because staff have witnessed them masturbating in front of public computers,"

Councillor Anna Grosskreutz said no action had been taken since the issue was first raised by Dr Sheldon several months ago.  Dr Sheldon said when his wife complained to library staff about the man looking at pornography, she was told similar incidents happened "all the time" and it was "too difficult" to install filters.

Not only that but this is supposedly not an isolated instance, or a peculiarly Maroochydore behaviour, with Cr Grosskreutz saying this was an issue facing all council libraries, not just those on the Sunshine Coast.

I guess this latest update answers clearly the questions I posed in my earlier post on the subject.  Yes and yes, definitely.  Ewwwwww!!!!

Time for some questions of my readers – leave your answers in the comments.

1. Ever felt the urge to watch porn, whip the old fella out and whack off when you’re using the computers at the local library (or internet cafe, or any other public place with internet access)?
2. Are you aware of such masturbatory shenanigans going on at your local library?  I can’t say I’ve ever seen or heard anything re our library here, but they may just sweep it under the carpet (or mop it, undoubtedly more effective in this case than I’d expect a broom would be) and not say anything about it. (Optionally, please include the state/territory/country you’re from, and if you’re a Queenslander, if you are from the Sunshine Coast or nearby ….in the interests of research I am trying to establish if this is some sort of freakish Sunshine Coast thing, or Queensland generally, or maybe it just happens anywhere).

…. at the thought of the possibility of Michael Jackson winning the Nobel Peace Prize.   More than 15,000 people have signed an Internet petition calling for the recently deceased singer to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 2010.  The petitioners’ target is 1,000,000 signatures.  According to the petition:

"Michael Jackson has undoubtedly earned the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize,"

and:

"We the Undersigned, believe Michael Jackson has given of himself completely and selflessly in a lifelong effort to help better global conditions for children, and all of humankind,"

As to the first point, I’d ask how and why?  By dropping dead?

As to the second point, fair enough, I’d agree he did some worthy things, but I think they are vastly overstating his contributions.  Never mind that he also did some things that did not exactly better conditions for some children he knew – unless you count millions of dollars in hush money as bettering a child’s conditions (then again that’s an interesting equation – millions as the price for keeping quiet about being molested – does it represent a net benefit to that child or not?)

However, old Alfred will be pleased to know its not going to happen.  Firstly, Nobel Prize rules stipulate that prizes cannot be awarded posthumously (great news for Elvis fans – he may still be eligible … if only they could figure out where he’s been hiding all these years?).  Second, nominations are only able to be made by certain eligible people, including members of parliament and government worldwide, university professors, previous laureates and members of several international institutes. (damn those elitists in their ivory towers!!!)